Posts filed under ‘Dear Diary’

Still Haunting Me

Dear Diary,

After three years, the depression hits me back again hard last week. On Friday, I came back from work, cried for two hours, and took sleeping pills so that I could escape the reality. A workaholic and hyper me all of sudden decided to hibernate two whole afternoons on my day off. The nap lasted for at least five hours. I stayed awake at night trying to convince myself not to take pills. People said it’s bad… Instead, I went to alcohol.

I lost my appetite. Not hungry, not wanting to eat. This morning, I came to a scale in front of my room, and boom! I lost 3kgs since Friday. Isn’t it shocking?

Three years ago, when depression exploded for the very first time, I lost 5kgs in weeks. I didn’t eat at all. And only sleep in my room after working hours. I did not talk to people, and no one could understand.

This time is so much different. I guess perhaps depression awareness is widespread to the extent that people start to understand and open up about depression more. I have friends who are also struggling with depression, and they are generous enough to tug me out of this condition before it’s too late.

It has been a few days, of course since Friday, that they picked me up at home late evening, grabbing a nice dinner (even though I didn’t eat much) and a few drinks. They made me split everything out and listened to me. I’m blessed.

I think I get better, not to the point of normality, but at least a step recover from my emotional breakdown Friday.

Hopefully, this won’t bring me anywhere near suicidal again. It’s still haunting me till now.

With loads of love,
Me, your long lost best friend


ខែតុលា 11, 2017 at 10:18 ព្រឹក បញ្ចេញមតិ


ប្អូន​ស្រឡាញ់​ហ្គេម មិន​ខ្វល់​នរណា​ងាប់​រស់
ហាង​អុបទិក​បិទ​អស់​នៅ​ម៉ោង​៧​កន្លះ​យប់ ទិញ​ខន់ថេក​ឡេន​មិន​បាន

សរុប៖ ថ្ងៃ​អាក្រក់​មួយ

ខែកក្កដា 5, 2014 at 9:36 ល្ងាច មតិ 2


Dear You,

You got me all wrong. You have your tongue and say whatever you think it’s right. I am sorry for not talking, but I am better at writing. So please understand me. It’s not like I didn’t want to help nor not happy to help – not as what you think.

I had a free gap of time that was why I went there for you all. I knew everyone was working hard as hell, and I was going in and out as I please. I wanted to help as much but I couldn’t and I was very sorry for that.

I did what I could – so DON’T tell me what to do. I guess I would have fainted at de shop if I went down cleaning the office. I just knew too well how much strength I had.

I didn’t know what had happened. I was driving back crying.. I really didn’t understand us.. didn’t understand why. Is it my job destroying us? I’m sorry if it’s so.

I don’t know how to help us.. maybe time would heal all wounds. Maybe…


ខែ​ឧសភា 2, 2013 at 10:24 ព្រឹក បញ្ចេញមតិ


Dear You (s),

I have been trying very hard these few years to keep you two together.. I know every couple fights but an old couple like you two fights then holds grudge against each other this long, I don’t know how this is possible.

I spent so much tears in front of other people asking them if they could help reunited you before I figured everything out maself.. You didnt know how hard it was, did you? Until now that you two break again and again, I wonder why.. I really wonder why. You stay together because you love each other OR just because of us?

Is it that hard to stay together? Then don’t. You don’t have to feel bad for us.. We dn’t need it because you staying together and acting this weird, no one can stand. So please don’t.



ខែមករា 21, 2013 at 4:33 ល្ងាច បញ្ចេញមតិ

Keep Complaining

Dear YOU,

It has been so hard. I cried maself to sleep last night.. but it’s good to get up de old hardheaded me. The email, the photos.. that’s too much and I cant even talk to anyone about it, YET.

I wish we could talk de way we used to.. It would be much easier for me to live this little life.

Maybe some day soon, we will pretend we are just frnd. We’ll chat and ask each other about our day, and stuffs.. then I will complain you about what I’ve been stressed with blah blah blah.. de email i read.. de photos i saw.. then you will be there to comfort me not to think much.. just like old days, remember?

Maybe some day..

I miss you.

ខែធ្នូ 17, 2012 at 11:45 ព្រឹក បញ្ចេញមតិ

Downs in Life

Dear Diary,

I need some strength to move forward. Many good things keep running to me these last few months, but strength is in need to pull maself up from the ground, stand up, and step forward again.

Yesterday was dreadful. I was so down and stressful, but everything got so much better after dinner.

I wish grandma was here so that I could hold her tight, sleep on her lap, and listen to her complaining about random stuffs.. that would distract me from the world around and I could rest ma mind to peace.

I’m sick these few days. Every time I arrive home, all I wanna do is to keep my eyes shut and fall asleep, yet I cant do all those things. Gotta sit up and think more.. read more.. do more.. I wish grandma was here so that she could tell me to stop and drag me to sleep.

I miss grandma a lot.

I wish to drive to visit her but damn.. I can’t yet.

ខែកញ្ញា 26, 2012 at 2:41 ល្ងាច បញ្ចេញមតិ

The Men

To whom this may concern,

I told you, rite.. that men are bad. Hopefully you still can remember it. There is no exceptional case, not for you nor my daddy. Naturally, men are just born bad. I realized this fact and no matter how bad you are, I’m not gonna be sad about it because it’s nature and we can hardly change nature. And since it is so hard, let it be.
I am testing you every day and you dont even notice. I always tell you, never ever ever ever underestimate me. Tonight, u just failed another test. Congrats! You dont have to worry, though. You still have the other two or three years to fail many more tests.
Whatever you do, credits count.. sometimes you gain and most of the times you lose. As told, that I am staying or leaving depends on you only, yeah.. just you. Hope you wont disappoint me because disappointing me is disappointing yourself.

ខែ​ឧសភា 22, 2012 at 9:59 ល្ងាច មតិ 8


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